A Day of Talking

Let's start with a bit of background info here. First, we love Collin's teacher, Mrs. J. She runs a productive, fair classroom in which the kids are always busy, happy, and calm. She's really attuned to all the kids' learning styles, needs, and feelings.

Then, there is E. He's a random kid in Collin's class who Collin calls his friend. Collin went to his birthday party and they play at the playground together – that sort of thing. He's also one of those mean kids, who if I had my choice, wouldn't hang around with Collin:) But, I don't have my choice and whose kid has only perfect friends? Collin often comes home telling us what E said in school that day, and it's not always directed at Collin. “E told me that only girls wear pick socks. E wouldn't be partners with Catherine today. E hit Daniel. E told me I couldn't be on his soccer team.” Get the picture?

And then there are E's parents. E lives around the corner from us, so we see them a lot in passing. And well – they are nice, normal people.

So, on with the saga . . .

I e-mailed Collin's teacher, Mrs. J, last night and left her a phone message. She called me back at 11pm and was quite appalled and saddened by the whole situation. She wasn't sure exactly what to do, but was seriously concerned and saw it as both a race and bullying issue. She wanted me to ask Collin when E had said this stuff to him. I told her I was planning on calling the E's parents and she felt this was a great first step. Apparently the kid has had a lot of teasing and bullying issues this year. Mrs. J thought that something like this would be more powerful coming from us than her. She advised sooner that later.

Apparently my sooner wasn't soon enough. She called at 7:30am this morning to see if I had found out any more info from Collin. Ummmm. No, since he was in bed when I got off the phone with her last night and I was in bed when she called at 7:30am and Collin answered the phone:) She had already called E's parents and left a message and asked if she could forward my e-mail onto them.

So, I've now talked and e-mailed to both E's parents and they are just appalled. Half our conversations were them apologizing and telling me how sick this made them. The other half was figuring out the next step. We talked and brainstormed about how to make E realize what a terrible thing he did.

I've talked to Collin's teacher twice. We covered just about everything: What to do, the importance to place on the incident, the trail of kids who may have had this conversation, E's history of bullying, the achievement gap in our district, the equity team in our district, and most importantly how to teach kindergarteners about slavery and MLK. Apparently, after (NOT before) reading a book about MLK in January, a white kid in Collin's class told a black kid that he couldn't play with them. AGGGGGGGG! This is my blog topic for tomorrow!

So, here's the dilemma. Neither boy realizes the seriousness of the insult. Collin thought E was being mean and is over it. E didn't really remember saying it at all. So, if we make a big deal then both kids will understand the value that people put on race. E will learn that what he said is SO much more powerful than just telling Collin he can't come over to his house because he wears pink socks, or isn't on his soccer team. And, Collin will no longer be able to deal with race insults like he does other insults. That's a heavy load to put on a 6 year olds shoulders. And, yet, if we don't make a big stink about it, we're doing both boys and their classmates a huge disservice. Years from now, I want Collin to remember that his moms (and teacher and other parents) made a big stink when racism reared its ugly head.

So, what do you think? I'll tell you my thoughts if you tell me yours:)

PS – for Donna – here's what I posted on facebook:)

"Erica is pissed! A kid in Collin's class told him that he only invites kids with white skin to play at his house, and that kids with black skin are the dark side. Here comes Mama Bear . . . ."

And today on facebook:

"Not kidding. Even here. Not surprised. There is an achievement gap here - big time. Obama may be president but racism is alive and well. Talked to his teacher. She is concerned and saddened and taking action. Talked to both parents. They are appalled and sickened and trying to figure out what to do. I'm feeling all talked out and good about the direction things are going. Flannery is feeling good because I did ALL the talking. Collin listened patiently to some stories on bullies and race and composed a song while I was still reading (=enough, mom). He ended the day happy because we ate dinner outside.